True to form, Noel Liam Gallagher is preparing for the release of Oasis' new album with a good old-fashioned impersonation of a lidless cooking reciptical remarking on the dark hue of the soot-stained spouted device employed in the brewing of tea.

Speaking to The Times, Gallagher asserted that "I've mellowed, but not in the sense of liking Radiohead or Coldplay. I don't hate them. I don't wish they had accidents.

"I think their fans are boring and ugly and they don't look like they're having a good time."

Yes mate, look at these uncut hunks...