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In Defence Of: Coldplay The Quietus, June 10th, 2008 11:49

In defence of: Coldplay

By Sarah Bee

People hate Coldplay. It's not hard to see why; their hugeness and the things that go into being that huge have made them eminently loathable. The blubbery songs and nothingy lyrics that seem to pander to the soulless oaf we all want to elbow in the face at gigs. The actress wife and silly-named offspring, the solemn charidee pronouncements, the unrelenting earnestness. And, argh, the pernicious wider influence. Don't it make you wanna projectile-vomit?

Most people who hate Coldplay, though, have heard them a lot and listened to them little, don't look past their preposterous massiveness, and can't see through to their fastidious pop brilliance and big, bulgy heart.

It's probably different if you were introduced to them via 'The Blue Room EP', their first Parlophone release in 1999. (Full disclosure " it was one of the first CDs I was sent as a scaredy kid suddenly writing for the venerable music press, and it resonates for me with all sorts of poignancy. So yeah, I'm biased. And yet.) Everyone loved it " it was a brilliant statement of intent, meticulous and gorgeous, atmospheric and dark as you like. It was bewitching " gentle, but blooming with the swagger-free confidence that would eventually fling them into the kind of enormity human beings aren't really built to cope with. But they do.

This is the thing " vast as they are, they're still that band at heart. They've developed but haven't lost their essential self, that smudge of real darkness and softness. They're melancholy and uplifting often in one breath, fiercely sincere, but with a sense of self-awareness and silliness that gets missed. They're in near-perfect balance with themselves " the grandeur is kept in check by the humility. (When Chris Martin burbles away onstage thanking the crowd, it's genuine, but it's also essentially warding off the evil spirits that make ungrateful bands go all to shit.)

The tension between shuffly, excruciating meekness and unabashed bombast is delicious. They have balls galore " they've spent nearly ten years coming to terms with their own bigness and stopping it consuming them. You may think you see bloat, but they work hard to stay lean " you might perceive blandness, but they're constantly inventive. They are fucking staggering live. And they are endlessly warm. They mean it, and you can trust them. You can.

You can carry on indulging in your hate if you prefer " it can be fulfilling as hell, let's admit. But if you suspect you might get more out of the alternative, there are ways to get there. Ignore the singles and listen to the albums. Disregard the dickheads who lumbered on board at the 'Yellow' stop. Forget that they've sold a billion squillion records and that the guy who was sick on your feet on the nightbus owns A Rush Of Blood To The Head. Listen to the giddy, pounding title track of the new album over and over until you go all shivery. And if you feel you want to roll your eyes at the overt Beatling of 'Violet Hill', consider what would happen if Oasis came out with something like that now. People would be leaping out of their baths and running down the street in shock, by God. (Yes, and that is a hint of 'Venus in Furs' in the guitar. Listen!)

They are a great band, Coldplay, and if they'd given it up after Parachutes when everyone still loved them, something would be missing, and our musical landscape would be that bit more barren.

But I suppose you can blame them for Snow Patrol.

Add your comment » Read all 13 comments »

Tom
Jun 10, 2008 1:23pm

What? Hate? How could anyone hate a band this bland? They are audiogruel.

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mugwump
Jun 10, 2008 2:37pm

hmmm, they excite so little interest in me that i can't believe i'm even writing this comment.

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fghsfgh
Jun 10, 2008 2:50pm

"don't worry that the normos like them now, they are still grate!"

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John Doran
Jun 10, 2008 2:57pm

Grate is certainly the word I had in mind . . .

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Col
Jun 10, 2008 6:03pm

Bravo! And lets not forget that, as a fellow "whiney young male", I share a vocal range with Mr Chris Martin and almost passed out once singing Everything's Not Lost on the M1.

Just imagine the obituary ...

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bee
Jun 10, 2008 6:50pm

Ah, the internet, land of the free, home of the meh.

I'm not going to use this glorious right to say anything at all.

Er, is this what we're doing now? It's an interesting experiment.

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mark e
Jun 11, 2008 11:11am

Sarah Bee !?
Gosh - thats a name I have missed.
Hello Sarah.

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Dannie
Jun 11, 2008 12:12pm

These are the lyrics to Lovers in Japan
(need I say more)

Lovers, keep on the road you're on
Runners, until the race is run
Soldiers, you've got to soldier on
Sometimes even right is wrong

They are turning my head out
To see what I'm all about
Keeping my head down
To see what it feels like now
But I have no doubt
One day, we are gonna get out

Tonight maybe we're gonna run
Dreaming of the Osaka sun
Ohh ohh...
Dreaming of when the morning comes

They are turning my head out
To see what I'm all about
Keeping my head down
To see what it feels like now
But I have no doubt
One day the sun will come out

Ooh...

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Christopher
Jun 11, 2008 1:12pm

The premise of this article is flawed. "People hate Coldplay." That will explain why over 10 million people bought their last album and around about the same number will buy the new one.

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bee
Jun 11, 2008 1:31pm

Not those people, Christopher. Of course it's not flawed. People *do* hate them. (See above - it generally manifests itself in being sooo unconcerned with the band's existence that one feels the urge to tell everyone just how very Bothered one is, and that one can barely be arsed even to say that much.) Just not those people to whom you refer. That still qualifies as 'people'.

I could have said 'galloping snobs' but that wouldn't be the whole truth, and it would have got people's backs up, which I'm not really in the business of doing. At least, not all the time, and not in the first sentence.

I'm afraid I didn't have the exact statistics at hand, y'know?

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bee
Jun 11, 2008 2:15pm

Oh since I've started - take your point, Dannie, but you could have made it more succinctly by citing the classic clanger of 'December/remember' from 'Violet Hill'. I do think their lyrics are generally nothingy. Still, I can't bring myself to get upset about it. It's a neutral property. Lyrics are not the world. One of the best things on the album is 'Chinese Sleep Chant' which just has some amorphous muttering in the background.

And er, hi mark e, you got caps!

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Dannie
Jun 11, 2008 10:25pm

Ok I should've said more. I'm more amused than annoyed/upset about it though - really couldn't care less - the lyrics are comedically bad though - just thought i'd share...

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Danny P Q
Jun 16, 2008 12:45pm

Most people like things that are popular. That pretty much sums Coldplay up. It is music for people with no taste and no ability to discriminate between quality and garbage, they simply buy whatever has the largest shop display or whatever Amazon has on its front page. The label can obviously guarantee blanket coverage and publicity so that it could only go to number one. Most people who buy the record really aren't music fans at all. The band epitomise most of the major problems with the music industry, perhaps even society at large, at present. According to Amazon their bass player is the fourth richest man in Britain under the age of 30, is that statement supposed to encourage people to buy the record? Eno should hang his head in shame for being involved - I'm sure he would try and justify it any way he could but it could only really come down to money as there are unarguably many more interesting acts to work with at present.

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